ShrinkingDiva's Still Going Strong

I have to stop doing that! Where have I been? I know, it's been a while. Believe it or not, I've been extremely busy working out at the gym and listening to Jillian Michaels' podcasts. I barely remember how to use my television, except on Tuesdays of course when Biggest Loser is on!



My blog title is pretty much self-explanatory. I'm still at it, still going strong and enjoying every minute of it. It's hard to believe that it took me 26 years (I'm 26) to get here and finally start to do something good for myself. I've been good and haven't given in to temptations. I didn't cut out everything cold turkey, I do indulge at time but intelligently and with moderation. I'll have a piece of cake or chocolate and not the whole thing times 2,3 even 5 that I did for so long. It's no wonder I got so big.



- What was I afraid of?

It's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately. What was I really afraid of? What caused me to turn to food to solve my problems? Why was I never ever able to believe that I could lose the weight? I'm sure many of you guys can relate to this but food was my drug of choice, it would never let me down. My eating habits were so out of whack just thinking about it makes me want to puke.



2 years ago, I was dealing with a lot of things (work, stress, family issues, etc). I would go to McDonalds and order a BigMac, supersize the fries, had an apple juice to cut down on some of the calories AND added 12 nuggets to that. I would then sneak the food home, lock myself in the basement and ate until I felt numb only to go straight to bed. I would repeat the same thing the very next day several times a week ... And that's just an example. Even though I had been to the gym off and on, exercise back then was a foreign concept to me.



I think it was a way for me to hide those emotions of fear, failure, rejection or loneliness I was feeling. I was afraid to embark on a weight loss journey convinced that I would fail. Shoving food down my throat muted those feelings and that's why I probably did it for so long. I loved it more than I loved myself. In fact, I hated myself. Knowing that I was missing out on so much, it just filled that void. My friends would spend the day with their partner & kids ... well, I had to spend mine with food, again!





I'm absolutely loving this journey of mine, I'm finally getting to know myself.



Enough rambling for now, I'll keep the rest for next time!